If that happens, we simply lose track of our regular pattern. We become disoriented of other concerns and happenings in our life. For example, when a problem comes, we set our mind on it with so much eagerness to solve and overcome the problem. We become too preoccupied that we close ourselves to any other things around us. I could totally understand why a person becomes inefficient when she has a burden on her shoulder. The problem is so complicated that it could spring out its roots and immobilize our being. We become disassociated with the real world and the problem becomes our world. I could definitely attest to it.
This year started with a lot of worries in my mind. As the days, weeks and months have passed I was able to prove that my instincts were really accurate. I went through thunders and high waters. I felt that everything just poured out simultaneously and endlessly, from the constant challenges from my family, time-bound demands from work, confusing issues of friends and the people around me, and even the war I have within myself. Since I was too attentive to my trial, I became accessible to fear, doubt, and lots of worries. These negative virtues fed on my vulnerability. That moment where I smile but would feel silly because it doesn't really feel right. That instance where I could feel my head seems so heavy that what I can only do is to keep my head ducked down the entire time.
My mind is so heavy and exhausted that I can not even think straight. It is so much that all I just want to do is to take it out and the only way to do that is to wail, yet even my tear ducts might have dried up because of too much stress.
I have been like that as the days keep going. Each passing day, I noticed joy estranged me. What I have in me are all sentiments. Profound sentiments about my life. Bitterness stalked me. Loneliness came. Self-pity followed. On the contrary, hope though barely breathing, remains.
Despite feeling awful, I never missed reading and doing my devotions every day with the little hope that God would be able to turn around my situation.
And HE never failed, has never failed, never fails, and will not fail. That little hope in me pumped up and made a big difference. That Sunday was my headway. During the praise and worship the song " Goodness of God" was sung. Suddenly I felt my throat grew tighter. My mind was eventually enlightened when the lyrics of the song struck my heart. From there, my tear ducts which have been experiencing drought for a long time, overflowed, even flooded. FAITHFULNESS. That was the word, in all caps, that God instilled in my heart.
When I was on the battlefield, my mind was clouded with all the negativity. I was too busy thinking of solutions and a way out. It didn't even come to me that through all those things, through the years, His faithfulness to me has never changed. His goodness for me has never diminished even a little bit.
His goodness even comes running after me every time, yet I failed to see it in the process.
After that moment I held a tight grip on His faithfulness. When I did that, everything was restored. I traced back to all of my previous devotional topics during those hard times, and it overwhelmed me when I saw that every topic highlighted His goodness and faithfulness in my life. I was too blinded to see and discern it.
Yes, when this world is too chaotic to deal with, we become numb, blind, and weak, and we fail to remember that we have a BIG GOD who is ABLE to do even the impossible things for us. We tend to forget that all throughout our life His faithfulness remains and never falters.
Now as I cling on Him, I have received incomparable joy. I have gained indestructible faith and trust. I am blessed with immeasurable strength and endurance.
When we were faithless, He remains faithful.
When we were hopeless, He restores us.
When we were weak, He makes us strong.
When we were blind, He makes us see.
Through the LORD’s mercies, we are not consumed,
- Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
“ The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“ Therefore I hope in Him!”
- Lamentations 3:22-24